A series of recent events largely beyond my control have caused me to begin to radically reevaluate my relationship to lighting design. For the past three years I have done a lot of work. Some of it quite good. Here is 2006 and 2007 at a glance.
One of the troubles I have encountered in doing so much is that there is a tradeoff in terms of the quality of the projects. I am unable to be selective in terms of the work I am doing since my income relies entirely upon my design work. As a result, I take every project that can fit into my schedule. The more I reflect upon this, the more I find that it is not necessarily the best course of action for me to take.
Because all my clients and collaborators are in the arts(as opposed to corporate tradeshows, architecture and so forth) the financial payoff for all that work is slight. By and large it seems that theater designers can be broken down into two fiscal categories, the independently wealthy and those deep in consumer debt. Not being the former, and having no desire to be the latter necessitates a change in the business model I have been operating under until now.
What this means in practical terms is that I am looking into alternate means of generating income. I have a wide range of positions I am considering from full time to part time to freelance(but in different directions) that would allow me to take fewer projects and devote myself more wholly to those I keep.
What this means artistically, I am not quite sure. I have a number of designer friends who are VERY selective with the work they do and as a result only take on one or two projects a year. Others I know make my workload look tiny. Looking at that, there is a wide range of possibilities out there in terms of how this might evolve. And who knows, I may hate these changes and go back to the model I have been working under until now. Anything is possible.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is as true in the arts as it is for life in general. Anyone who has seen La Boheme is familiar with the sight of the writer burning his words to not freeze to death. But it applies at a subtler level as well. If a project, no matter how artistically satisfying, becomes primarily focused around finances the art inevitably suffers. Perhaps it only suffers slightly, but art is important enough that it should not suffer so.
Perhaps it is all part of the new year, but I have been asking myself many questions around my art and work.
Why do I do lighting design? What do I want from it? Must I make my income from my art or can it be supplemented from other sources? What do I want to say artistically? Are there other avenues of art and design that would also satisfy my creative needs? Are there avenues of lighting other than theatrical performance that are equally or more satisfying?
These and others are the questions I have been asking myself. Some I have answered here. Some will be answered in time. Others may never be answered, or are answered through the living of a life. Life comes once. And in that life one must explore paths as they arise. To free one’s self to see the path most clearly, one must be free of labels, self imposed or externally forced, that restrict movement along that path.
“Lighting Designer” is just a label. One of many. I love it. I embrace it. But sometimes even that which you love and which you choose confines you.
similiar debate/conversation going on in my mind
yes yes
I have been dealing with this a lot recently, esp as my husband and I weigh whether we are ready to start a family.
A few years ago, a year or two after I finished NYU, I decided to be more picky about what I designed. I had to, for my own well-being. I also decided that assisting was not a way I wanted to go. I don’t realizing someone else’s work. And so I have a non-theater day job. It pays OK. It is flexible; I can take time off to design. But it is boring as hell, and I feel like in the off time, when I’m not involved in a design project, I’m losing my mind a little.
So what’s the secret? I wish I didn’t have to make a living. I wish I could be designing fabulous projects that support me. But money IS an issue. So. Recently we decided that I need to find a better paying job that I can do less often. And I have no idea what that is. No idea. At all. Did I mention that I have no idea?
Its never easy. I think every artist I know goes through some version of this situation. Sadly, this country feels that the arts should work like business and be self sustaining economic situations rather than be supported and bolstered by government money.
Re: yes yes
If you ever do figure out the secret please let me know. I’ve been working on that one for a while now.
;->