Light Cue 23

It started about a year and a half ago. With hindsight we see this as the beginning of the recession, but all I knew was that more and more shows and companies were going under for financial reasons. I didn’t see it as a pattern until well into this phenomenon. During that year, 2008, my income dropped over 20% from where it had been in years previous. Having dutifully kept emergency fund savings as a buffer for just such an occasion, I was able to rely on that net to tide me over into 2009. But now that too is gone.

In November of 2008 I moved from New York City to Oakland, California. While I had a few commitments across the country to keep up, I have only lit three shows here to date. An average of one show every three months does not a sustainable career make. For reference, in 2007 and earlier I was averaging 2.5 shows a month. Things might be better next season, but very little is forthcoming as of now.

On top of this, there is a recession on, so when I send out applications for non-lighting work I am up against people with far better qualifications than I for the position. In short, I can’t get a job.

In May I applied for a grant to supplement my rapidly decreasing income. Yesterday I got news that I was not among the chosen. The moneys would go to other “emerging” artists whose applications better fit the criteria of the grant. Sometime in July or August I will run out of money.

For the last five years I have shied away from full time employment because who is going to give someone a week and a half off to go work somewhere else. It was hard enough to take part-time work to supplement my income during slumps. Well, at this point it seems that, unless there is a radical change somewhere, I will need to find that full time job, any job, to keep food on my plate, shoes on my feet and a roof over my head. Doing that will, by necessity, radically reduce if not eliminate my ability to do the design work I love.

It’s too bad because I am good. The people who keep hiring me again and again seem to think so. But talent alone does not pay the bills and with more companies going under, I need more different people hiring me rather than a decreasing pool of the same.

Oh, and unless I misread something on the web form, I am ineligible for unemployment since I have not technically been “employed.” More fun and games.

For your reading pleasure, I have included the essay I wrote for the grant below.

Dance lighting has always been my first love with regards to lighting design. The poetry and precision required by the medium speaks directly to my heart and soul. It is difficult to put into words what exactly happens to me when that moment is achieved where the synthesis of light and movement suddenly creates a moment so profound the body appears to give way wholly to the soul since the experience can not be taken in by bodily senses alone. That moment of perfection is what my work continually strives for. That moment of perfection that keeps the breath at bay.

My design work has spanned traditional theaters, site-specific performance and installations and all of these modes of performance feed and fuel one another creating a dialogue within my own work between various performative disciplines. In particular the site-specific work I have have done has greatly informed the manner in which I approach a new space even if it is a traditional proscenium theatre. Every space is unique and each one requires a distinct way of approaching light to find the best way that light moves in that space. From an 11th Century chapel in Rumania to a climbable sculpture in the Nevada desert I have explored light and space in myriad ways outside the typical challenges of what most lighting designers must face.

Over the last several years I have been working towards an aesthetic rooted in minimalism that engages the mind and the heart and the soul. My design work tends to the extreme in terms of emotional honesty and rigorous intellectual support. Having explored these themes extensively in theatre, with both traditional and site specific work, I am looking to collaborate on a deep exploration of these modes of being in the dance world.

For the last five years my dance work has primarily been in the realm of Ballet. Having spent several years in New York working with the New York Theatre Ballet I gained an extensive knowledge of early 20th Century modern masterpieces. My work with the dances of De Mille, Anthony Tudor and other classic modern choreographers allowed me to fully explore the world of narrative dance. This work has been an invaluable contribution to my more abstract designs as it gives a strong narrative foundation to my lighting.

This upcoming project with LEVYDance provides me with the opportunity to bring together these many different aesthetic paths I have been exploring over the last few years. The quality of their movement rooted in the idioms of modern and post-modern dance brings forth my interest in minimalism, while at the same time they maintain an engaging pop sensibility that allows them to directly engage with audiences otherwise wary of dance. Further, the site-specific nature of the piece calls on my extensive work on projects of that type.

Since moving back to the Bay Area in 2008 my dance lighting has been mixed. Both strict narrative pop-culture works like Dracul: Prince of Fire and more abstract works with LEVYDance. Working with LEVYDance has been a wonderful opportunity as the choreography spans the worlds of abstract movement and narrative storytelling. The work with them has been, and will continue to be a wonderful synthesis of these two modes of seeing that my lighting design spans.

My lighting has been seen across the United States and has received positive international notice. I have long desired to do work both firmly rooted in the American experience while fostering artistic dialog with the larger global community. I intend to base myself in the Bay Area and work throughout the local performing arts scene while also contributing my design work to projects across the US and internationally. Moving from Berkeley to New York was a part of this plan, to gain the knowledge and expertise that is unique to that theatre world and then bring it home to give back to the place that I first found my artistic voice.

Having moved back to my native Bay Area filled with enthusiasm to take what I have learned in New York and apply it here I have found myself more and more despondent as the economic realities have forced much of my attention to go towards paying the bills thus leaving me with less and less energy and emotional resources to truly dive into the work in front of me and give it the 110% that I typically bring to my designs.

I have been working diligently since my return to get my name and my work out to Bay Area directors, choreographers and producers. Unfortunately, the long hours of scraping together enough work to pay the bills often leaves me with little time and less money to actually see the work being done by other artists. In 2008 my design related income dropped by over 20% of what it had been previously with fees and seasons being cut and companies going under due to economic strain. This year is on track to be even worse.

Given the current economic climate, I am concerned that my creativity will be sacrificed like Rodolfo’s manuscript, burned to keep the artist from freezing. So in plain terms the money would help me in paying rent and bills first. The remainder will be used to immerse myself in the world of Bay Area theatre. To give me the opportunity to meet and see the work of local artists without worrying over whether the money for that $30 ticket could better be spent on rice and cheese. As such, I would ask for the full amount of $XXXXX. This would greatly ease the economic strains I am finding myself under, and while it would not fully return me to my pre-2008 income, it
would substantially and significantly improve my ability to contribute to the Bay Area theatre and dance worlds.

Having this grant will give my creativity the space it needs to truly flourish, away from the stresses of money. Further, it will feed my creativity by giving me access to the work that I have largely had to deny myself due to my economic situation. I find that my design work is at its best when I have a constant stream of new artistic input, be it theatre, dance, opera or museums. I will avail myself of the many resources the Bay Area has in these regards and emerge a stronger more well rounded theatre artist.

My work with LEVYDance, and other Bay Area companies, will be greatly improved. I will truly be able to take the many things I learned in New York, both professionally and artistically, and apply them to my work here in the Bay Area. Not only will my own life be improved, but the quality of the performing arts in the Bay Area will be improved, not just this year, but on-going as the artists whose work I come into contact with dialog with my own work and we continue the great conversation that is the performing arts.